I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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