I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
