She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
