HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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