Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
