Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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