We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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