I want you more than these girls want KFC
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize