i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
