I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
