i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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