He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
