I'm lost and stupid without you.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
