I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Fuck appropriateness.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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