Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
