I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
