They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
