I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
