Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
