please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
