I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
