i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
