I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
