too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
