yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
