she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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