thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
