Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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