Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
