Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
