i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
