the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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