You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
