so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
