Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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