i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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