Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
