then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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