ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
