his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
