We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
