I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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