it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
