I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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