she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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