If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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