So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
im calling her cock vulture from now on
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
