Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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