He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
