Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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