So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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