I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
