Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
