bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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