i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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