a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
