Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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