I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
