I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
