New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
