I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
