a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize