well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
