They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
A bitchslap is in order.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize