SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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