Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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