whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im holly from the hills drunk
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
