I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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