When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
