if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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