i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
