If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
