My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
