Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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