is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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