Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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