From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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