so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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