Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
