Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
