Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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