I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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