I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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