My cat gives me a boner
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
