Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
