spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Randomize
