Me too!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
