He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
