I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
