The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
