he told me I talked like a deaf person
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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