He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he puts the penis in happiness.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My liver just had a heart attack.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
