You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
