somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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