i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's blow job season.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
