but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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