do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
