Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
