Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
