did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
