Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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