he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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