my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
