Tell her she can't have a vagina
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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