Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
