I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it's like heaven, but drunker
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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