the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
