come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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