I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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