Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
