he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize