reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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