So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
