i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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