So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
